Ep142 Mastering your Mindset with Jill Stanton

My guest on the podcast today is my business coach Jill Stanton. I signed up to Jill who I have admired her for years and years and years. I sought her out because I have always spent a lot of money on business coaching. Throughout my whole business journey, I have always spent money on coaches, programmes, courses, books & so much on education, because I do think that the only way we learn is through different perspectives from people who have done the things that we want to do. So whenever I want to go to that next level, I look for someone who's done just that. 

In this episode, you will learn: 

  • How to manage life and business.
  • The Benefits of a Business Coach
  • Networking with similar minded women.
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Show Notes:

Connect with Jill Stanton here: 

Follow on instagram: 

@themillionairegirlsclub

Visit website: 

www.millionairegirlsclub.com

Resources:

www.millionairegirlsclub.com/retreat

 

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Show Transcription: 

Tina:

Hello, and welcome to Episode 142 of the her Empire Builder podcast. If you are listening to this live, right now doors are open to her Empire Builder mastermind, it's something that only happens twice a year. So if you are a woman who creates courses and is on kajabi, and wanting to build it through content marketing, then go to her Empire builder.com because doors are closing soon.

I want to tell you about my guest today, the amazing Jill Stanton. So Jill is my business coach. And so I signed up to Jill I have admired her for years and years and years. And I sought her out because I have always spent a lot of money on business coaching. Like, always, I'm sorry, throughout my whole business journey, I have always spent money on coaches on programmes on courses on books so much on education, because I do think that the only way we learn is is through different perspectives in from people who have done the things that we want to do. So whenever I go to go to that next level, I look for someone who's done that, and then try and kind of, like absorb as much as I possibly can. And Jill was someone that I sought out because she is so good at the things that I am not. And so for regular listeners of the podcast, I am very good at building a million dollar business. Very, very good at it. multi multi million dollar business not so good. It's something that I have to learn. And this is because of that saying that you've heard again and again and again, what got you here won't get you there. And I am fabulous at high touch points. I'm fabulous at doing things myself because I do love my work. I do love all of the back, the back end, the behind the scenes, the creating the Canva tiles, the making the pipelines on kajabi, writing copy, like every little detail. I actually love of our business, which is great in order to get yourself to a million dollars a year. But then after that it's actually so high volume that you've got to go, what's got to give. And so I got Gil to really figure out how I could expand if I wanted to expand because I was at the stage where I was going, you know what, I've got a million dollar a year business. But if I have a $5 million a year business, I can't do five times the work. So how do we do this? And how do I stay in touch with everybody? And I mean, my biggest fear, which you've probably felt as well as you've grown your online business is how can I stay there for everybody, while still having enough time to live the life and to remember why I got into business in the first place, which was freedom of flexibility, and not being tied to my emails, and Facebook groups and all of that sort of thing. And so that's why I got Jill and I have just finished I've just wrapped up I signed for 12 weeks with Jill Stanton. And oh my gosh, it was amazing. She was amazing. She's changed so much in my business. And I'm very excited and grateful to her for that. So if you've never heard of Jill before, she's the creator of millionaire Girls Club, which is his last of the internet where she hosts unforgettable luxury retreats for women who are making millions and want to create meaningful friendships with other women. And it's full now but her next retreat is in Costa Rica in March and I am down for that. And at the moment mid pandemic. It's like we can't even leave Australia but I am willing to get in a canoe and start paddling. So I think it's a cross that I will be with that one. But you're gonna want to follow a gel if you want to do some high end luxury retreats with other million dollar course creators in there as well. She's also the co founder of screw the nine to five and online education and coaching company which was coined by Forbes as a destination for up and coming online entrepreneurs and has inspired 10s of 1000s of new entrepreneurs to quit their jobs, build thriving businesses and create lives of meaning and purpose. she now lives in the Cayman Island. And when she's not co ing she can be found travelling the world with her husband, Josh and the little guy Kai. You are going to like this conversation. Jill is Look, she doesn't mince her words. One of the reasons that I got her on and I asked her because obviously I know her quite well after private coaching for the last 12 weeks. And so I did ask her questions that I knew she would answer the way that she did. If you're you know knowing that you need to introduce boundaries into your life and knowing that you want to level up and you're Running out of time, but you want to make a greater impact. You are going to love this conversation. Ladies,

here’s Jill Stanton. Hello, I'm Tina Tower, and you're listening to her Empire Builder. For my first decade of business, I thought grinding and hustling and working harder than everyone else was my path to success. It was pretty successful by a lot of measures, but it led to burnout and adrenal fatigue. Then when I travelled around the world, on my family gap year, I discovered the simplicity and the reach of online business. And I completely fell in love. You have so much knowledge and expertise that's within, and I want to help you to package that. So you can also help to lift others up. So how do you build a thriving million dollar business based on everything that's in your mind? This is her Empire Builder, the podcast.

 

Jill:

Why do you edit it? You know what, I'm not gonna edit it. I'm gonna leave this in and going out with Jill, forcing this shit.

 

Tina:

I should. Okay, so the reason I do it is because when I do it, and I do the intro at the same time, it's literally an extra three to four minutes to put it together. So I'm like, well, I'll take the three to four minutes instead of sending it off to someone else and bothering them. yes, I would just rather do it. But I know. Okay, so this is all about you. My favourite days. So the screw is what you are known for? How long has that been going?

 

Jill:

We started that in 2012. On our wedding, we know we had the idea for it in 2012. On our wedding week, which is probably like the one week you shouldn't be working. But like we were just so new in the game at that point Josh had. We were all in on our business for that first year. He had a previous business before that I had a previous business before that. But together This was our first year. So we're out on the balcony like our wedding guests were coming the next day or something. And we're having some rum. It was Costa Rica, we're listening to Bob Marley. And we were a couple weeks away from moving to Thailand at the time in early 2013. And they have a big entrepreneur, entrepreneur community there. And so we were talking about like, we should document this because we're starting to get a lot of questions around what we were doing, right? Because, you know, we weren't working jobs. We were travelling heaps are making money on the internet. We were like, What? What's happening here? Like, what's going on you drug dealers. And so doing, you were in Costa Rica, it's not. It's not not accurate. And Josh was saying, you know, we should start a website to like, keep our friends and family in the loop and blah, blah. I was like, that's a good idea. What would we call it? And I'm like Costa Rica ROM, and I was like, screw the nine. And both of us were like, I wonder if that's available. We grabbed it, and we locked it in. And we kind of sat on it because we had never built personal brands before. Like we didn't know where we were, we didn't know what we were doing. At that point. We had a bunch of affiliate sites like skincare sites and beauty sites and personal hygiene and supplements and high heels. And none of it was branded to our names. We wrote under a pen name, I did some videos and stuff and pictures, but none of it was like us on the line, like putting ourselves out there. So we didn't even know what the heck to do. And if you look back to the early days of the skirt, I think we've hidden a lot of the like nonsense posts we ran, but it was like lessons from the code. Kotel mafia, which is an island in Thailand, we were living on how to get traffic from Pinterest, or how to work with your significant other, it was all over the place. There was no strategy whatsoever, because we didn't know what we're doing. And so in 2013, we're like, let's start let's create a course. And what should we make it? And we're like, guest blogging, because definitely people want to learn that from us. Currently, no one did, because, you know, courses $0 I ugly, cried for 24 hours straight, no joke. And that was the best thing that ever happened to us at that point, of course.

 

Tina:

And so what was the turning point was that when you were going, you know, you're running around the world and you you finished ugly crying and then went, Okay, I'm gonna try again. Was the next one the success or did you have a few iterations before you were like, okay, now this is on a winner.

 

Jill:

Yeah, so that was the biggest lesson at the time because we created what we thought they wanted. And it was the most pivotal lesson we could have learned because it's like, oh, no, what do they think they need? And so we were like, Well, a lot of people ask us how to make money online. Hmm, thing? And how do we make money online affiliate marketing? And that's the question we get all the time. And so then we put out a email to our newsletter saying like, this is now our new focus. We're going to start teaching affiliate marketing and how we make money online and travel everywhere. And if you want to stay in our world, like we'd love to have you, and if not, like, totally cool, we understand, but we're going this way now. And most people stuck around and then we launched our next course after that pre sold that made a whole $4,000. Yeah, nice work. And then we're like, yes, we didn't lose 5000. Like we did the first one. And then launch that, got some results with it, and then open it back up when we had the course created, did another 4000 then did our first webinar and did 8000. And then we're like, are we Oprah rich right now, because I think we are. It was just like, and then it was like game on? And it's just been that was 2014. And it's been a seven year process of ups and downs,

 

Tina:

I love that. I had a similar experience when I did my first proper, like live launch for the seven days, and I did $11,000 and finished and going, Oh my gosh, this is gonna be a million dollar company like, this is amazing, because I could see how leveraged and scalable it was. But what I find is working with a lot of people is they have a launch that's $5,000 or $10,000 for the first one or two. And they're devastated because they say all the massive numbers, and they're really disappointed. But every single person I know that is successful in courses has our exact story and going you know, we had this small launch, and we were like, Oh my god, it wasn't a question of if it's when and when you were on a winner. How like, what's been your experience with that? Because you talk to a lot of people at the beginning level, of course creation as well.

 

Jill:

I have a lot to say about that. In case I know my my necklace fell off. Sorry, this is how animated I am. I have a shag rug. And it's now just it's going into the abyss. I have a lot to say about that. Oh, I work like you said in screw the nine to five we've worked with a lot of up and coming course creators, and a lot of them experienced that. So they make like 500 bucks or 1000 or 2000 or 5000 or whatever it is. And they think they should be further ahead by by that point, right? Because that's what is sold. That's the like, our space, this online business online marketing space is so declarative. And it's like, if you don't do this, you're shit. And if you don't do this, you're bad. And if you don't do this, you're failing. And so a lot of people get in their head around that and they make it mean, oh, clearly, I'm not cut out for this because I only made 500 bucks or 1000 or whatever it is right? But the way I talk to our clients and our members is like, what if that is your current capacity level, though? Like what if that is a perfect sign that you need to like? Okay, cool. My energetic and operational capacity right now is, you know, $2,000 worth of customers? And what can I do? And who can I become to increase my capacity? Right? Because you don't have to go from like, 2000 to 20 to 200,000. Right? That can be really unsustainable for a lot of people because, one, they don't have the systems in place. They don't have the team in place. They don't know how to handle or hold space, you say that when

 

Tina:

Monza launches spending a bucketload of money on Facebook advertising and then they go and just disappear? 

 

 

Jill:

How many times have we seen people come and go out of the space? They come in, make a huge splash think they're killing it? And then they're gone? Because they can't handle the heat? the ups and downs? right. The stresses and the successes? Yes. Right. A lot of people are worried about failure, but just as many people are actually worried about the success, like, how will I know what to do? Or what if people come after me for money? Or what if they think I'm greedy, or I'm all about the money, or I'm conceited or I'm selfish, or I'm fooling myself or whatever it is. And they stack all these what ifs, when really, you could just like honour where you're at. And I don't want to I hesitate to put like, make it good enough, but like, be happy with it, be present to it, and use it as like a jumping off point to go to the next level. Okay, great. I now know my energetic set-point this one thing you and I have talked about and a lot of our conversations like your energetic set-point is now $2,000 with launches, I now know how to make $2,000 with launches. So that is my minimum set point, right? Or my energetic minimum. Well, what do I have to do and who do I have to become an MC for Okay, cool, that's now my energetic set-point. What do I do and who do I have to become to make eight and then 16, and then 32, and then 64, and then 128. And then I'm gonna stop. But you know what I mean? Like you just you baby step. It micro wins micro actions micro growth. many people think it has to be big and sexy, but it's steady growth that really wins in the long run.

 

Tina:

Okay, so I have like all my questions. The hard part about you is I go, okay, that leads into that question. I want to circle back and get my original question in because if I don't, I never will. In going. So you're Canadian. Josh is Australian. you've travelled the world at the beginning. How did you two meet? And how did you get into what you were doing online in the first place?

 

 

Jill:

Whenever people asked me this, Josh always was new on the short version, or do mountain longer. And now he's not here. So I'm telling you my version. So back in 2009, when we met, I was moving to Australia. I was in Web TV at that time, this again, 2009, I started my first Web TV show in 2006, the days of my space, and when like, YouTube just got sold to Google. So you're always gonna be an internet. Yeah. It's like when people were not watching Internet TV, thankfully, because it was still the time where you could erase it off the internet because I admitted a lot of things because I had a show on dating, sex and relationships. And I had a lot of fun in my 20s. So I'm like, real happy, you can delete that internet at that point. Anyway, I was moving to Australia with a girlfriend of mine to do another Web TV show that was sponsored by the Gold Coast Tourism Board and a bunch of other companies. And I had met Josh, at that time business partner and his now wife, and they were living in Canada for a year. And we connected through a mutual friend. And they were like, Oh, you should meet our friend Josh. He's coming to town for I think it was like three weeks. And I'm single, and I was moving to Australia. So I was like, well, it's Josh hot. Like, don't even bother his bachelor for life. He's never had a girlfriend. And I was like, sounds perfect. I need a month.

 

Tina:

Now, you've been going through the screw for a long time. And then last year was when you stepped out and started creating a golf club on your own.

 

Jill:

I'm gonna wasn't even last year this year. It was I had the well, I had the idea. And first off, can I just say, when I met Josh, I picked him up. So he was living in Beijing, China at that time running his programming team. And I picked him up for dinner with this other couple. And he walked out and like cobalt blue jeans and red, black and white plaid shirt. And I was like, What the hell? And I was like, hey, Josh. I'm also four years older than I am. So I was just like, Oh my God, this kid was like, 28 at the time, he was 23. And I was like, hey, Josh. And he's like, Oh, good day. And I was like, Josh is so hot. But he wouldn't he wouldn't talk to you wouldn't sit beside me. He wouldn't sit across from me that he ignored me the whole time. I was like, must have. Yeah. He finally gave me the time of day, like towards the end of dinner. And then from there. I mean, he flew to Vegas to meet me for three days, I moved to Australia who showed up on my doorstep. And that was, and we've been together ever since. Yeah. So going back to NGC. Sorry, I just had to put a bow on this because again, I'm the long, long storyteller. So I actually had the idea for MTC, which is millionaire girls club back in 2019. And Honest to God, like if I'm being really real and fully honest, like I sat on that idea because I was way too scared off it. Because millionaire Girls Club is I mean, you know, we work together is focused on serving and connecting high calibre women who were at the million dollar plus mark, and connecting them with other badass women. And I had a very strange and tumultuous experience with female friendships. And I know a lot of women can relate to that. And I had like, a decade long experience of just being like, mercilessly bullied. And so for me to hold space, and step out into that arena to be like, Oh, cool. Now I'm going to like create a business serving women like just triggered all the wounds, all the sister wounds, all the fears, all the like, just everything I had in myself. And so it took me two years to finally say yes to it. And I finally said to Josh, like, I'm gonna do this last October or November, and I'd watch in January,

 

Tina:

and I'm so glad that you did. And so what is like, what's the goal with that? What's the big picture?

 

Jill:

luxury retreat for badass women at the million dollar mark. I don't know if you can vibe with this. See, but I know you so I feel like you can is like as you were at that level or as you reach or cross that level, like The bigger you get, the smaller your circle gets, right? Because there's less women who really understand the sacrifices, the inner work, the inner work you have to do. You have to become all that you have to manage, right? Because it's not just business, if you're a mom or a wife, like there's that invisible workload as well, right? Like all the other things we manage, and all the other space we hold for the people in our lives, like it's not just work, right? And so not a lot of people get that. And so they're like, Oh, that's just enough. You're doing your little internet thing. You're like, Say what? I make a million plus a year like, no. And so my intention is to create luxury, badass, rich AF experiences for those women who don't always take that time for themselves. Right? Because if they are going to do vacations or retreats, well, I should probably do it with my family. Yeah, right. Like, I don't really take that much time off. So I should probably make time to do that with my family, or they just don't have the capacity to plan something like that.

 

Tina:

if you did not let me on a plane, I will get out my kayak and I will start paddling away. They said something there that I am hoping this would tip off like one of one of the epic jewel rants that I absolutely believe for is the inner work and and you know, doing the things that are hard and putting in the effort with it. And I love your kind of what I'm trying to get across there. I know your answer to this. But the way that you put it so eloquently is it's kind of going and this is this is why I have to ask you the question is because clearly I can't put it eloquently is going to take the hard work and doing the things that nobody else is doing. But still also hold that feeling off of ease and doing that. And I think sometimes it's misinterpreted by people coming into the online game in going we see all these people saying, you know, what, if it was easy, and take the path of least resistance and manifested and do all of those different things, and then think that that's in the absence of actually doing the work and taking the risk. And then they feel like if they're working too much, they're doing the wrong thing, but you still got to get it off the ground. So can you give me your eloquent and so with how you balance the two of those,

 

Jill:

I don't know one successful person that hasn't put in hard yards and massive action and a massive amount of work, especially in the beginning, like anyone who is telling you that you can just be like easy, and you'll make a million like that is just nonsense. And I feel that they're trying to sell you something. But it's like a rocket I'm sure everyone's heard this analogy like it uses like 90% or 80% of its fuel to even get off the ground view you starting your business and getting your first million or even your first 100 grand as that like you put in massive action because yes, intention, visualisations dreams, goals, cool that initiate everything you want. But it's action that initial or that enables the reception of it. So yes, you can be woo and manifest and all that kind of stuff. But if you aren't taking action aligned action inspired action to go along with that, well, then you're not going to get very far. And here's another thing I want to say about that is there's there's taking action, and then there's like forcing, And I get it because forcing is the energy of, it's not going to work or what if what if it doesn't work? What if I fail, that's forcing, that's an energy of not having, right, but you can take inspired action or just massive action in service of going where you want to go. But it not being out of a desperate energy of like, this might not happen for me. Instead, it's an energy of like, I'm working towards something that really matters to me, I'm taking action and service of who I want to become and what I want to create, and what I want to do and what I want to experience that is totally different, like want and embodied is like an energy of not having, I want this, but the underlying energy is like I don't have it. And the energy of like, I am the type of person who has bla, bla, bla, or who does this and that or who experienced this. That's an energy of like, it's on its way or it's coming or I'm calling it in or I already have it right it's two very different things. The focus is different and it doesn't seem like a big deal but underneath it all it's everything. Like when you say I want to make a million dollars, but underneath that you're like I don't actually have a million dollars and that's where your focus is. Well then that's all you're perpetuating because the universe Like, oh, cool, you want that? Great, I'm gonna keep giving you experiences or circumstances to just perpetuate the not having of it. Does that make sense? Like, it seems so subtle? And it is. But it's also everything. Does that make sense?

 

 

Tina:

Completely. And then I think because I, you know, my thoughts on hard work. But then you're getting better, though, so much I am. And that is thanks to you and all of our conversations around boundaries. And that's kind of where I want to get to the next stage is going, you're working with women kind of that next level up as well, in going there has to be an off switch. And I think one of the best things that you said to me was, because I came from $0, I had to pay for everything with my time. And so I was very used to working harder, and you like, you have the choice, you can pay for it with your time or your money, you now have the money, take back your time and use the money have you had what's your advice to people where they're at that level where they're kind of growing, and then they're getting to the point where they're reaching that burnout and that overwhelm and going on, but I don't want to take my foot off the accelerator because I don't want the business to suffer. But I know I'm going to end up burnt out like how do you It's such a tricky line.

 

Jill:

Well, that conversation was for anyone listening was Tina and I were talking about she's always built everything organically, which is amazing, because what you've created is bonkers to have done that organically. I bow down. What I was very happy. 

 

Tina:

I spent $600 on ads this week, a whole 600.

 

Jill:

I'll take it momentarily. And then let up it a bit. So what we were talking about is Tina was gearing up for her next launch. And I was saying, how many people do you want to get in your challenge, Well, typically I get this many. And I was ok cool. So how can we like double that? And she's felt, well, I guess I could do this and this and I was No, you go to the traffic store. And you buy yourself some traffic, ie Facebook ads, or I G, right. Like you, you can pay like Tina was saying, with your time or your money. There's two currencies in business. And when you get to a certain level, you can only effort. So much. Because you have a team and people to take care of a customer to take care of and a podcast issue. There's just other things that you deal with at a higher level that you just didn't have to think about at a lower level when it was just you with your Moxie making shit happen. Right? And so at a certain level, you have to be like, okay, who do I want to be? Do I want to hustle and grind? And do all these podcasts interviews for other shows that don't really have audiences? Because you know, I'm a hustler? Or do we want to be more leveraged with our time and our boundaries and our energy and buy our way in front of people get in front of very targeted people who have intent to purchase and focus our energy there, versus I have 23 podcast interviews this week. And it's all with shows that have you know,

 

 

 

 

 

Tina:

I don't know who you could possibly be using as an example right now. You know, that that's, you know, what, like, I still think there's merit in doing that. At the beginning. For me, it was very much realising, you know, what, what got me here won't get me there. And I've now got to this stage. And you know, I think, like, when the book hit the bestseller list, I was like, You know what? That is? Because I was everywhere, I hustled my way on to everything. It was mass exposure, probably too much. And now I have to realise, okay, boundaries, how do we create those and go to that next level?

 

Jill

And what we're saying is in the beginning, yes, but it's necessary. It's the rocket, that's how you get it off the ground. That's how you get in front of people, right? Yeah. But at the level you're at, like, there are certain things that you can be like, I'm so grateful for these opportunities. Thank you. And I'm ready for bigger now. And so now I'm going to start saying no to the smaller things in order to make space for the bigger things to come in. And when you did that, look at how many things started flowing into your life, right? Because you were like, Okay, cool. I'm so grateful for what has come into my experience up to this point. I appreciate all of it. And I'm ready to go to the next level now. And so I will do podcast interviews or whatever, but at this level, yeah. So you get to do less, but it's, you know, I don't wanna say worth more but like a bigger impact. Yeah. More people.

 

Tina:

And what's your advice to women with boundaries? Because I know that so many women are people pleasing and suffering from that and it's something that I really admire that you have is going you know, you you will connect with people you would do the things but if it's not like an absolutely Hell yeah, you like You know what, I just don't have time for that and with the same thing with the growth when when We get to a certain level like doing it and responding to all of the, like social media comments and messages and saying yes, when people say, Hey, can I pick your brain for something? We have a quick chat? How have you done that while still being able to maintain or not feel like you're now withdrawing too much from people?

 

Jill:

Here's the thing. I'm always trying to get better. I don't have it completely figured out. I'm never gonna pretend that I do I still struggle with boundaries. Like, absolutely, if someone was once a customer, I'm launching a new show, will you do it? I'm like, damn it. And I usually say just like, circle back to me in a couple months once it's launched. So I still have room for improvement. Of course, like, I'm just a human who is just on the journey just like everyone else. Here's the thing I will say about people pleasing.  No, it's your, you, when you sit in an energy of people pleasing you, or trying to control how people view you or experience you. It is done from a place of conditioning and programming. And from what you experienced in you know, earlier years, if you grew up with authority figures who always put their needs before yours. Or were, we taught you to do that in order to receive love or attention. Of course, that is going to be how you operate until you become aware of it. Right. And for me, I had to undo a lot of that, not necessarily for my parents, but I had some very strange female relationships, and not even relationships, interactions, right? Where I was just very, it was very humiliating, degrading experiences. And so I learned from a very young age, because it started when I was around nine. To just like, not be too much, not be too big, not be too loud, not be too seen. Right. And in case you can't tell, I'm a very demonstrative. Really, like I had to minimise myself, I had to hide I never wore makeup, I wore bulky sweaters I really tried to like not, but I tried to blend it. And so in my experience with business up until I would say I had my son, truthfully, and Josh was working with a coach at that time, Jim Horton, and I would listen to their coaching replays for the ones that he was cool with me listening to. And I remember Jim, pointing out to Josh, a fear of judgement. And I was like, fear of judgement. And I listened to it. And it was like, you were trying to control how people experienced you. And I was like, holy shit. All I've ever done like really trying to like, stay safe, not be talked about. 

Because that was just so my reality for years with like, not knowing who's safe. Not knowing who will leave you not knowing who will stab you in the back, not knowing who will abandon you all of that kind of stuff. And so I very much muted or maybe over compensated, who I was, in an effort to, like keep people at an arm's distance. And when I started realising, like, how much of a fear of judgement I actually had, and then had my son on top of that, well, it's just like, a quantum leap and zero F’ness, right, because I was like, I no longer given F about this, this this, this, like, we made huge shifts in our business. I felt like I shed a bunch of relationships that no longer serve me Stop saying yes to a lot of things like I just became much more focused on who I wanted to be and less apologetic for it. And I feel like so many women's specifically, especially right now, like with social media, social media is a 24 seven outrage, right? We're watching people get cancelled, called out all of this stuff torn apart. And people are like, I don't want any of that, right. That's frightening to me. And so we mute ourselves, we play small we try to blend in, because we associate that person's opinion or truth with the truth about us. I their opinion, doesn't matter. And what I'm trying to get women to realise is like, what happens if we start prioritising self approval? First, over outside approval? What would you like to look like? What would you What would you release? What would you stop worrying about? What would you stop stressing over? What would you allow into your life? If you no longer worried? What if? What if this person says this? Well, what are people gonna say about me? if? What if someone sees me fail? Because that's really what it is? It's not like, what if I fail? It's like, What if someone sees me fail? Oh my god, what will they think about me? What does that mean about me? internalising their truth as the truth? And instead it's flipping it and becoming less interested in what other people think about you and prioritising what you think about you? Because how would you love yourself? If you loved yourself, the way you love others? Hmm. How would you treat yourself if you treated yourself that way you treat others. Think about that. At first and then start realising, what am I willing to hold space for? What will I say yes to from now on? Well, will I say no to? I no longer allow or be available for those that I think just sound only love?

 

Tina:

Oh my gosh, it feels so freeing, even when you say and it sounds so easy, but it's not true. Yeah, it's probably exactly what you just said then is what I've worked on for like the last year solid, and still going, Oh, my gosh, like, how am I in this situation? It is it's so much easier said than done.

 

Jill:

I feel like that's everything with personal growth, though? That's why it's so scary to ask yourself, What do I really want? I really want. Because once you've answered that, one, I have two choices. One, go after it. Right? Go to Bat for who you want to be what you want to create what you want to do what you want to have, what you want to experience, or stay the same. And suffer the like pain of that stagnation. That awareness of this is not what I want. But I'm too fucking Sorry. I'm too scared when? I'm like, I'm too scared to go after it. Yeah. It is painful. Yeah. Right. And it's much more painful than this painful of going for it. Yeah. Because a lot of people we just don't want to be seen. Right? So many of us are, we're scared of being seen for who we really are. We're scared of being seen for our weaknesses, or who we think we're not. We're scared of being seen. For starting small, right? How many people want to start a business but they're like, I just don't want people to see me starting small. Yes. 100%. For me, with MCC.

 

Tina:

This is what I'm coming back with with the with the launches when people start from the beginning. And they're ashamed to go, you know, I just had someone in, in my mastermind that started her podcast, and she's like, I put my first episode out, and I had only 28 downloads, I don't think I'm gonna keep going. And I'm like, what that was, it's brand new, and you had 28 people on day one, pick it up and put you in there is like, That is amazing. And everyone starts from zero. And I think I think social media has a lot to play in that and going. And I think also like, yes, there's some amazing stories, but I also think a lot of people lie. 

 

Jill:

No, I feel like I know a lot of people. And some of you like, Is that is that true? Like, may I please? I remember I was at a big event with some real key players and to see them just with their guards down being their actual selves. I was like, Ah, this is such a good reminder. it's such a good reminder that none of us have it figured out that none of us like it's real easy to have the highlight reel. But what I'm after is the highlight reel. R EA L. Yeah. Yeah. Living in that. That is what people want. No. Let's keep it real. Like how many of us? Who doesn't vibe with perfect? Like, I don't find a perfect, I want to I want real? I want resonance? Yeah, that's what people they want to resonate with you? And what if we just start prioritising that, when building our businesses getting our podcasts out there? What if we're like, Cool vanity metrics aside? I did it. Or I had 28 people raise their hand and be like, that sounds like a great episode, right? I'm like, let's keep it real first episodes, probably like why I'm starting this show. And people are like, can you watch episode two already? Right. Like, I don't care why you're starting the show. Bring me the good shit. Right. And so like, first episode, like, that's your first at bat? Yeah, you're just never gonna play baseball again. Because it struck out on your first.

 

Tina:

it's a live webinar once and I had nobody show up. And it got like three minutes in and I was like, Oh, this is this is not looking good. And then I thought, you know what, fuck it. I don't want someone to come on. Like if they come on at 20 minutes, and I'm either not there, or looks like so I ran the entire thing. Like it was a live audience thinking that I was like having a good practice. Anyway, nobody did come on. But I hit a million dollars. And I think that that is I know. And so I think that, you know, a lot of people think that that's not acceptable or when they do that it's an indication that they're on the wrong path and they shouldn't be doing it when really, I just had to figure out you know, I Totally botched the entire promotion I didn't know about all of the 50 gazillion emails to send that people needed as reminders beforehand. Like all of those things were lessons learned and now my show up right is fabulous but didn't know that at the start and that's the lessons we have to learn.

 

Jill:

Dude, how are you supposed to know what works if you don't know what doesn’t?

 

Tina:

So my final question that I have for you because you have been running these millionaire mixes which you know, you're getting together these powerhouse women to just shoot the breeze and talk about business and do that which is like the most amazing thing and I and you guys I have begged Jill to do them as a paid she won't she won't do it because she has boundaries and I love her for that but I'm also frustrated.

 

Jill:

Because I don't have to do them consistently and and I want to do on my retreats filling anyways, I just like people are coming out of the woodwork.

 

Tina:

The when you talked about it, I was like what this zero doubt does, it will feel like zero. But my question is, you've spoken to a lot of women at that seven figure level this year? What are the things that you see that they're doing that other people aren't? What setting them apart?

 

Jill:

Always, always boundaries? In our work self worth work? releasing control? I would say that is such a big one. Working on continuously releasing control, how many of us have a vise grip on how something should be done?

 

 

Tina:

Control what you're talking about? control? long as everyone does it exactly my way. I have no issues with control as long as you stay in your lane and do exactly what you're told. Five minutes early. Yes,

 

Jill:

That is definitely and I would say like, working on the relationships is definitely one that comes up a lot, I have no insert whatever relationship here. There's either some friction or things are great. But it's taken a lot of work to get there. Because especially if your significant other is not an entrepreneur, There's friction there. Especially if they're, why are you working so much? And then Shouldn't you be working? It messes with a lot of women, right? Why?

 

Tina:

Because, my husband is, does not have a shred of ambition in him.  I got hope he doesn't listen to this. I got that. No, he will say it openly. I got more in my pinky toe than he has like in his whole body. Totally unapologetically, him, I love him because he is the most contented, easygoing man, I think on the on the planet. And I often talk to friends that have both super ambitious. And I think that would be really hard. Because Matt's always going for me, when I want to go to conferences, and when I want to go to different things. He's like, I should go. Also, if this sounds great, and we never have, the competing priorities, which is so much easier.

 

Jill:

I, just from my personal experience, and personal conversations with a lot of chicks. Not everyone has an easy breezy partner like that.  You know what I mean? So a lot of people also have experiences where their significant other feels that they're ignoring them, or that they get the worst of them.

 

Tina:

Especially with the performing of the nature of the work that we do when we're live presenting and doing that. And he's like, you know, you get everyone gets all your energy all the best way. And then I can be so deflated at the end of the day that I go in home, oh, give me the Snuggie Give me the last, Oh, God, the wood cutter. I will share that joke. So people know what we're talking about there. There's nothing worse than when people have in jokes me Like what? I'm sorry, my Snuggie my husband nicknamed the termite, because it kills wood.

 

Jill:

I would wear all the time if I had a Snuggie Yeah, I'm in the Cayman Islands. So it'd be hot AF but if not, I would wear it all the time. Same time, they would bring you coffee, I'd be like

 

Tina:

I do think that, you know, that's been one of the really interesting learnings of May is that there was I mean, why I first engaged you as my coach was for that exact reason was going I was getting to the end of every day, zero energy and going I've given Everything I've got and I was like perpetually tired and exhausted and couldn't say I was going, Okay, so I've got the the million and a half a year business. Now, if I want to get it to 5 million, I can't work five times harder, like I am done, I'm spent, what do I do here, I know how to run this level business, I do not know how to run that level business. And that was so much of what I had to learn was how to get that energy and conserve that so that all the parts of my life can still get the best of that. And that's something you know, that I think is going to take me another good 12 months to really work through an edge.

 

Jill:

I don't know, you really integrate quite quickly,  You've made some big strides in such a short amount of time. you're real coachable. that's one thing that I just love about you is you're there's a lot of people who'll be like, I know. But you're like, I don't know. but you're very open and coachable. You have a lot of just like, you don't take anything personally. And so I don't know if it will take you 12 months, It could be real quick for you, you know, you've realised, oh, okay, my energy is limited, my capacity is limited, I need to start paying more people to do more things to take my load off so that I can make better decisions, I can just show up and serve my audience, my customers, right? you have to start taking stock of what are the levels of priority in your business one customers, they should get the best of you, because they're paying you money. And then other things that don't need to be done by you email scheduling, podcast editing, things like this, low level $10 an hour tasks don't need to be done by you. And there, you get energy back. It's like, Josh, my, my husband, I'm not for you, just for anyone watching.  Oh, really Josh and your husband. But Josh talks about it as like, excuse me, like your life metre and Super Mario you know how you like lose lives. And if you're doing too much as an entrepreneur, like cuts down your life, like, there are certain and then you have to go get more lives. But the way you get more life is by handing things off, or only focusing on the things that move the needle for you.  and then releasing the things that do not move the needle, or other people can do that allows you to have just a more leverage stance. And he talks about this a lot because he was at an event where Mike Wits spoke. And he was saying, so many of us get trapped in the cycle of like, wanting to be the CEO, ooh, ah, I'm the CEO. And he's, how many CEOs you know, who worked like crazy, or who were still energies after are miserable. It's not about being the CEO. It's about being the shareholder, allowing your business to run for you allowing it to make money for you, you kind of  sitting back doing your thing, having an easier lifestyle, more time, so you can make better decisions and still get paid. So it's about that critical shift of not needing to do everything, and allow empowering people to take it off your plate, and allowing them to make mistakes so that they can get better so that they can learn what not to do. And therefore what to do and how to do it even better.

 

Tina:

I love it. Jill, thank you. I'm sure everyone has just loved having you in there is understands my deep love affair with you now. Oh, you're amazing. all of your information is straight under the bottom. But I would say like hit you up on Instagram, but you're kind of avoiding it a little bit, which is another boundary thing, which I love.

 

Jill:

Talking about. It's, I need to do something I need to do something. And then I was like, do I really if it's not a needle mover which is not for us? Do I need to do it? The answer's no. So I have it. I talk to people in DMS. Sometimes I do stories like I documented my whole experience. you can DM me for sure. I have a few days to respond. Thank you, Joe. Thanks, T.

 

Tina:

Thank you for listening to this episode of her Empire Builder. If you loved it, please share it on Instagram and Facebook for your friends. And if you really want to deliver me smile, you can pop a review on iTunes. I'd love to hear from you. So if you have any questions, email me at podcast at tinatower.com. And if you want to know more about what we do, head over to Tina tower.com. Now I truly hope this podcast gives you so much value and you can use it to dream big, plan well and take massive action in building your very own Empire. That's perfect. Just for you.

 

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