I Dropped the Ball
Yesterday I dropped the ball big time. Something that is not a regular occurence but when it happens, it makes me feel like I'm the worst Mum and business owner there is. Most working Mums have been there before and you know it's not the whole complete picture of you as a Mum, but in that moment, you feel completely and utterly inadequate. I've often been told that my life looks like a massive highlight reel on Facebook but it's just that I will often focus and write about the things that make me smile, not the things that make me sad. But yesterday I decided to share my day to let a light on a day where I dropped the ball massively.
The response of support was overwhelming. Not only from the comments, but also the text messages and private message I got of other Mums sharing their stories. That's why I've decided to put it on here. Usually I just put the great things, the inspiring things and the things that I think can help you to smile. Hopefully my stupidity yesterday makes you smile!
It's the second week that my husband Mat has gone back to work after being off since June so we could move house, sell the business and I could devote everything I had to growing my company Begin Bright while he made sure our kids and I were well looked after. It's a massive struggle and I can see why so many families run well with one parent working and the other at home. Single parents, my goodness, hats off to you!
I started my Monday like I typically do with a mountain of work and a to do list so onerous that it would overwhelm me if I didn't break my day into 15 minute increments and work as hard as possibly could, as fast as I possibly could for as long as I possibly can. It is usually a system that works quite well. I've grown a franchise system without needing expensive staff and accomplished a lot in a short amount of time.
Though today I had a 4 year old by my side. Cohen is an absolute champion. He looks after himself most of the time and I'd prepared him his lunch box and an assortment of toys so that he could play while I worked. But he wanted to play with me. Every 15 minutes he would come in and say "Can you play with me yet mummy?" and I would say, "I have a break in 90 minutes sweetheart, soon". And each time my heart would break a little more to watch his sad and understanding face walk back out the door with me feeling like a completely inadequate mother. He came again so I made him a crown from paper which kept him busy for another 30 minutes, he came again and asked if he could go and pat his lizard. I took him to the lizard tank and he pat it and it sunk in the sand. Shit. Dead lizard. I tried to touch it and it didn't move, just flopped down. 20 minutes of consoling later he calmed down and we went to have some lunch.
Walked back to my office, saw the lizard walking around. WTF. Lizard alive. Bad parenting moment of the day number 1. There were lots of phone appointments today, most of which ran late or were rescheduled. On the phone I glanced at the computer screen at 3:08pm. Kai's school finished at 2:55pm. Yep, I missed school pick up and in doing so became the Mum that I never in a million years thought I would be. I grabbed Cohen and raced to school to find Kai in the office, smiling (thank you Kai!) and he said, "It's ok Mum, I knew you were very busy and you'd been on your way". Yep, my kids are used to me being busy and told to wait. Cue the shattered heart again.
Mat got home after a full day of work and proceeded to cook a delicious dinner while I worked some more to catch up. We ate, I put them in the shower while I worked from the doorway, read them a bedtime story kissed them goodnight and came back into the office for more work. Obviously this is not every day, but it's not all unicorns and rainbows every day either.
I am a better mum today, albeit an overcompensating one (I think I could've won some sort of award for the lunch box creations this morning) before I head to Sydney for 2 days tomorrow and am absent again. I hope that they grow up knowing that you have to work hard to create a great world for yourself and your community and that they think that what I do is worthwhile and they also want to live worthwhile lives. I am glad each day is a new day. While I certainly don't condone missing school pick up, there are times when things have to give and the universe will force you to slow down and work out a more effective way of getting everything done. It happened to me one time and is not the entire picture of what sort of a mother I am to my boys. I can be awesome, I can be absolutely shocking (like yesterday) but I am the Mum they've got and I love and encourage them more than I could simply describe, what more could our kids hope for?