When You Become a Mum - You're Screwed!


Before I became a Mum I was so self assured. I knew the exact life I wanted to create and how I wanted to live. I opened my business at 20 and I loved it straight away. The empowerment and purpose it gave me was instant - I felt like this was my calling. Working 7 days a week wasn't a problem. You know what they say, 'love what you do and you'll never work a day in your life.'

At 24 I had my first bubba, Kai. I had a great team in my business so I didn't need to go back instantly, but after a couple of weeks we were back full time. I say we, as I was lucky enough to have Kai strapped to my chest in a bubba sling never leaving my side. It was challenging with the tiredness and breast feeding but I loved that my two worlds blended together with relative ease. When he was 7 months old I became pregnant with my second son, Cohen, and fell into meltdown. Nope, this couldn't be done with two babies, something had to give.

Now they're 2 and 4 and I have a great business. A tutoring centre and 7 franchises around the country. But, I suffer from a case of Dr Jeckle and Mrs Hyde. Every single day. It's getting frustrating. I have started to talk to other mums about how they feel and most working mum's are the same. As a mum, I want to be a mum and everything that implies. Playing at home, doing craft, cooking quality meals, always having socks and undies clean in the drawer (sounds simple enough). Though I talk to those stay at home mums and though some love it, lots I know still feel guilty that they're not doing as much as what they could be doing and are bored of the same routine every day without being mentally challenged. Working women envy them and stay at home mums envy working women.

The women I know in business are brilliant at it. They come alive, create ideas and systems to build awesome businesses that are going to change and imprint peoples lives and the world we live in. But every day that guilt is there that we're not home, someone else has our children. I am asked more than I would care to mention why I had kids when I don't want to be with them every second of the day. My answer (after WTF) is to explain that I am good at what I do and I love what I do. My kids are fine. They're happy and healthy and I am a far better mum to them 4 days a week than I would be 7 days a week. Though even as people ask me that question I question myself. Am I doing the right thing? In this day and age should all women have babies and never leave them while men go off to work every day? There's no real solution other than for women (especially myself) to get over it and know that if you love your work, regardless of whether you go back to work or stay at home, mentally, I wonder if there will ever be peace again.

Tina x

P.S If you want to read more about this, there's a great paper called 'Why women still can't have it all.' It's very thought provoking.

Tina Tower