Ep 175 - Ranty Pants. Why Women Have Less Time And Money.Jul 12, 2022
The inequities that we face as women in business can sometimes hide away in the periphery. It’s a blissful place of ignorance where we get the luxury of staying in our lane, dig deep into our zones of genius, and celebrate all of the kick-arse things we are achieving in the big and beautiful world of online business.
And other times, my friend, the inequities can hit us smack repeatedly in the face to the point where we have no choice but to put our to-do list to the side, dust off our ranty-pants and get to the heart of the important stuff.
Right now, my ranty-pants are on and let me tell you, the pockets overfloweth my friend.
The inequities are real.
They are punching away, and frankly, we need to talk about them.
Not All Problems Are Created Equal So Stop Pretending They Are
One of the things I have seen from coaching hundreds of women over the last 18 years in business, is how different it is to make money from nothing, compared with growing wealth. Sometimes I think that once people have money, they either forget how hard it was when they didn't have money, or they never came from a place of not having money.
I was in a situation recently where another woman expressed how upset she was about having too much money.
I’m talking about so many Benjamins that she couldn't keep track of them.
The fact that she had never taught how to manage money was apparently causing a lot of problems in her 40’s while she is also dealing with tragedies like her slowing metabolism for the first time, like, ever.
Yes, These too-rich and too-thin problems are real. They’re valid.
And yes, every woman I know wishes she had them.
Let’s Face It, Logistics Are A F*cking Nightmare
When I first started in business, we had nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I remember the mantra at the time was “If you are lacking time and you want to build your business, you need to start outsourcing”.
All I needed to do was hire someone to look after the kids, clean the house, join my team, and support my business growth and vision.
Just one teeny problem….
Where exactly was I meant to get the money for all of this magical outsourcing?
The Almighty Money Mindset
Yes, mindset is incredibly important to building wealth. It’s critical for putting yourself out there, having the courage to chase the joy, and ultimately to not give up when times are tough.
However, it is not ALL about mindset.
I hate it when people say “Everyone has the same 24 hours in a day.”
No they don't.
My 24 hours now are very different to the 24 hours that I had each day when my kids were babies.
My 24 hours now are different to the 24 hours a day I had when they were toddlers.
My 24 hours now are extremely different to the 24 hours I had when my husband stopped working and became a stay-at-home dad.
24 hours are not created equal, and all of this messaging about the power of mindset can be so damaging when you're the woman that is getting up at six o'clock in the morning, making lunches for the for the kids before they go off to school, feeding babies, putting washing on, and working her arse off before the 9am workday even starts.
She’s already exhausted.
She’s also feeling guilty and overwhelmed by the cleaning, the pets, the cooking, the never-ending housework.
She’s also supposed to be sexually satisfied.
She’s supposed to maintain solid friendships.
She’s supposed to have good relationships with extended family.
She’s supposed to be present and “living in the moment”.
She’s supposed to exercise.
She’s supposed to get 8 hours of sleep.
And this is exactly the thing that really got wedged into the pockets of my ranty-pants this week.
I have personally heard from so many women who felt like they were doing it wrong, because they were working so hard. The mindset-gurus and influencers are sending the message to every woman working her ass off instead of sitting at the beach while their world is outsourced, that she's doing something wrong.
I want you to know this without a shadow of a doubt - nobody created something from nothing. Even if they make it look like they did. ESPECIALLY if they make it look like they did.
Success takes so much time, energy and effort, and it breaks my heart to think that a woman who is doing everything to the best of her ability all day long for everybody in her life, getting to the end of the day pouring herself a glass of wine, and seeing some idiot on Instagram say it all happens effortlessly.
Toxic Positivity Should Be Outlawed
One of my favourite sayings is “Entrepreneurship is living a few years of your life like most people won't, so that you can live the rest of your life, like most people can't.”
Don't feel like you're doing something wrong from working hard, because it is hard work.
BUT if you can see the possibilities for yourself, if your dream is strong, and you are willing to sacrifice to work hard, then you owe it to yourself to go through the hel,l and do what you have to do until you can do what you want to do.
If you can do that, you will get to the other side.
But what I think is so difficult is that so many people beat themselves up by feeling like they're doing it wrong, then get stuck in this thought-loop: “I should be working less I should be outsourcing more”
If I can share just ONE thing from the pockets of my ranty-pants with you, it is this.
Do not pay other people more than you're paying yourself.
The messages we are being fed about hard work being a bad thing can be incredibly damaging.
They are a dream stealer, and I hate the thought of women feeling ‘less-than’ for doing what needs to be done to achieve their dreams.
Checking Our Privilege At The Door
It's time to start acknowledging that no matter how hard we're working, and no matter how well we're doing, there's always going to be someone doing better.
And there's always someone doing a whole lot worse.
One of the reasons I love traveling so much is because it knocks you in the face how incredibly lucky we are. I know that a lot of people will say it's hard work, not luck. Please do not be mistaken - it is both. If you're reading or listening to this rant right now, I can guarantee that you are one of the lucky ones.
Our problems are real, yes. But at the same time, we need to be acutely aware of how lucky and privileged our own set of problems are at any given time.
Do these problems compare to what a lot of people living outside of major, developed cities are dealing with everyday?
Those Pesky Gender-Roles
One of the biggest, prevailing themes through the messages that I receive is around the gender roles that we play in our family.
“How did you get your husband to do this?”
“Don’t you feel guilty?”
From the very beginning of our relationship, we've always been partners. We've always known that we're in this together. And while we don't necessarily have traditional “male roles” and “female roles”, we do have roles for the season of our life.
Before the kids came along, we both worked our asses off constantly. When we had kids, the season shifted for the simple fact that babies need their mamas. I had my kids strapped to me, I’d crouch under the desk to feed them - they were with me ALL THE TIME.
And I absolutely loved it.
This also means that I never did any housework. I was growing and feeding humans over here, I had zero time for any of the cooking or cleaning.
Did I ever feel bad about that?
Guilt wasn’t a part of my life then, and it certainly isn’t now. It actually breaks my heart that it's such a big thing for so many women. If you're doing everything in your home, and trying to build a whole business, it's simply too many things. You will burn out.
Once my kids went to school my husband became a stay at home dad and that was absolutely the best solution for our family. He decided to stay at home, I went to work and it has worked beautifully for our lives.
Our boys are so happy, I am so happy, and my husband is so happy to be taking care of our family and surfing every day.
So no, I don't feel an inkling of guilt about that at all.
Mercifully, my ranty-pants don’t come out often, but when they do I know that we need to talk about these inequities - because if I’m feeling if, chances are high that you’re feeling it too.
Please don’t mistake my rants for a lack of gratitude.
Every single day I think about all of the beautiful children and families who I've met on travels, who are living in poverty and working so hard to survive.
I know that my day of “hard work” is so incredibly different to their day of hard work.
Not only do I remember that, but I also remember myself 10 and 20 years ago. I remember her and I think:
My gosh. If Tina could see me now.
If Tina could see me on my acreage property, in my beautiful home with my beautiful husband, beautiful kids, beautiful dogs, and gardens, and all the food, and all the good gin.
She would be thinking:
“Holy f*cking s*it balls, Tina. Look what you did.“
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